minutes ago i decided to read my old emails. and found this one.
feels like sharing 'em to you guys..

learn and be happy to whatevah type of realtionship you wanted.

"Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi".
 
 
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but
remained to be "friends."
 
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure 
she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.
 
They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each 
other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't
know the real score. Even
 
her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
 
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in
the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives
her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their
friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may
overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila
magkaholding hands lagi?
 
Sila kaya?

"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.
 
Parang kami, pero hindi."
 
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch
movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books
for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex
jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and
never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she
heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing
she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's
assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
 
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,
they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh
restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
 
They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe
that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about
it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's
important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
 
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.
 
Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
where the persons involved are more than friends, but not
quite lovers.
 
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of
you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your
gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
kayo mag-dyowa.
 
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
 
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for
different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still
love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a
reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan.
 
 
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso
kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
 
Testing lang.
 
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually
the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di
naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya
nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
 
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
 
 
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
talagang kasiguraduhan.
 
 
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi
naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
 
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
 
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."
 
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa
kunwa-kunwarian.
 
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think
that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
 
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships
din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone
else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
 
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
 
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag
tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam
kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang
wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
 
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the
emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae
lagi ang lugi.
 
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you
can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga
ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your
role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if
you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
 
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
 
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang
na mahal ka rin niya.
 
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
 
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
 
Or if there is a relationship at all. 
 
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
 
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
 
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys,
only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
 
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo
alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan.
 
Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And
you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with
somebody else.
 
Ang h irap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
 
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
 
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the
process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live
the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
 
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
 
Magpakasaya ka.
 
Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
 
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
 
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero
hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang
doon lang siya ...
 
almost, but not quite. 

For the life i knew makes me feel so empty at the same time remarkable,  i run out of strength during my roller coaster ride with careers and life's relationship. I lost my self esteem but  a friend help me renew myself,  lots of comrade help me regain my self-respect.

I don't heal my wounds I let em scar me, I don't wipe my tears instead let the sun and time dried my pains.

My silence now is crowded of worries of losing lots of important friend and noisier cause of flooding ideas and pressures. And my life now is definitely challenging.

Perhaps I have to face these changes and prove May that I can manage to savor the gift (equivalent exchange), hehe a price to pay.

I thank God for saving me always.

Whew!! I love may.

And June's giving me lots of small surprises. I must be ready for everyday's reward.

 

Anway.

I met Shane Evangelist (US Autoparts Network-CEO) I think two weeks ago..the funny conversation with him together with the smartest people of Marketing department (Sir Mike Villar n team, also Pink SEO Ma'am Riz Sanchez) boost the shy vianca into strong willed and continuous fighter. Thanks to them.

    

• Cat. Prep Task : zero
• Auto research : kinda boring & not in the mood to sort out auto news
• Chat mode : putik wala man lang maasar. And take note I am not allowed to chat huhu
• Post a blog entry:  nyay! I can't, pass biers kept looking at my monitor ( makes me feel as if being spied on) pero pede.
• Sound trip: stirring my sleepy hallows with rnb slow jamz and phunks.
• Surfing the net: blog hopping (pretending that I was searching about cars har har)

 

BreaKING MomEnt:

#1 huwhat? He's getting married?!! 

Grrrrrr. Savvy is getting married?? Err. Hated myself for not knowing it in time,
Hated myself so much 'cause I can't do anything na but to get jealous. (hehe parang tanga lang)
Yeah. Thanks to atomicgirl for the info. If not because of your post hindi ko malalaman.

#2 feeling SEO na rin ba ako?

vianca_Ü (4/22/2008 11:16:35 AM): pede restore ung stat ng server,,eh kng mdami kaung company around the world mag aapeal,.,kc parang back to basic n nmn.sisimula n nmn..dhil s testing testing...nwala pinaghirapan nyo. system restore sila sa date bgo ang dewey
sWÉnny Teej.. (4/22/2008 11:19:46 AM): wow
sWÉnny Teej.. (4/22/2008 11:19:46 AM): seo ka narin

 

we're discussing about the dewey test of google. Pang SEO ba pinagsasabi ko? hmm

Since 2004 I start posting blogs over blogdrive. I use ms.vianca there. Every other month I tried to google the keyword ms.vianca. Well I'm pretty sure im not the only vianca in this vast World Wide Web, but weeee…I always get real good result. My ms.vianca.blogdrive.com was in the top 5 result.

I was fooling myself. Why? I don't have so called readers. Haha. Ohh to be fair some commented telling me "hey ms.vianca you inspired me a lot". Amf.. did I?? Haha. I don't know.

Then, after how many years I tried it again. Googled ms.vianca, in a blast my multiply ranks #1. Well, I don't like my multiply though I signed up there because of my 'insan. Rank 2 is my blodrive ( I missed it). And yepeeyy blogspotbelongs to top 3, which my current blog.

Well, I tried reading old entries in my blogdrive. I was surprised, I didn't improved that much. Huhu. My bad. Seems like sayin "I'm stagnant". My style, my anger, my happy moments, my secret letters, lyrics and poems and approaches are just the same.

The results telling me that my blogs are dead. Meaning has no competitors (hihi) , no trill, definitely unique and near to extinct. Huhu. I don't have the talent for SEO or webcopy writing. I'm planning to change my career track coz my current path makes me feel stupid. Care dead.

#3 halukayin. Pepsi paluma experiment's vocalist Ahmad.

I accidentally jump off to a blog named "emote control" by ahmad xiv. He's post captured my interest. I scrolled up and down. Then read a poetic post. He was talking bout legazpi, whew!! he compiled my homesickness. I missed home. And the face, he looks familiar. Weee, the vocalist of pepsi paluma experiment. I'm a fan of pepsi paluma. Way back in college, during yearly OVERLOAD event of Bicol University engineering, I always find them rockin' there.

What small world huh?

Hmm.. Everytime I do blog hopping and find some bicolanos and Filipinos who write and blog remarkably. It flatters me. It encourage me to be the best blogger I could be.it makes me feel proud being in this place. (mabuhay..!!) har har

PS

im back..im okay now. ready to post again. i missed the comrade in usap data & catalog morning shift.

i missed yoishiro. i missed sorsogon. i missed siblings and parents. i missed snhs batch 2001. i missed ADAKRABS.  i missed smart noc people. i missed cousins.

i missed my  baby johan and sweet baby ashley.

ayan may nagawa na ako.... pero

ba't ang emo ko ngayon???

im not feeling fine..im not feeling okay..

i dont wana be sad...want to enjoy the time im with my team mates and friends in GY..coz im pretty sure im going to miss the people here..though some of my team mates makes me feel stupid and brainless..nway i guess i dont have to let my emotion take hold evrything..

i must enjoy my las two day..and hey!! its valentines day.. i must be happy...enough to gain my mood for today.
though i cant help it..mamimiss ko ang mga tawo dgd..shit n life pero i must face it.. im not happy go lucky...i make things easy easy.i  just know how to be happy to lessen wringles haha...i dont want to feel the pressure this time...ive had enough bite of rage in my last 6 months..F******* am not part of his property.. hes a badass..

haha...you cant destroy me that easy..